....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
