so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
