She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
