official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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