she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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