i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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