Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
