I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I have post one night stand depression
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