boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I have peed in a lot of sinks
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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