I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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