nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
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His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
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I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize