i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
