Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
