the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
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he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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