Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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