so that wasnt chicken after all
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She's like a pop up book from hell.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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