My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
