I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
