I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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