i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
