We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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