I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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