people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
