he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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