just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
