I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
