you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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