We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
