I must be too annoying 4 u.
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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