Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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