U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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