just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
