I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
