my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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