Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
