She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
This house was built for laser tag.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
