they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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