He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
