i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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