It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
