I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My ass is underappreciated
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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