No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
