He is an equal opportunity slut.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
