oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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