I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
