hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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