So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
