is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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