My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
