I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
