the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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