Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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