Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
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We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
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When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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