i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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