She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm just crazy horny about you
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
