i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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