oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
