Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
