I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
