How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
