I wish I could punch you in the face.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
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Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
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Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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